Severus Snape VS The Call Centre
by hazel-jade
Summary: We all got at least one of those anoying phone calls. Now what happens when Professor Snape gets one? Maybe more?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything! There, that should do it!

and don't forget to review!

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><p><strong>Severus Snape VS. The Call Centre<strong>

"Yes, what do you want?"

"Hello, my name is Maximilian Broomhead and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction to do a little survey on the characters of Harry Potter. Now, just to make sure, are you an original character of Harry Potter?"

"Of course I am and how did you get my number?"

"The phone numbers are randomly generated by my computer. Now, just to know which questions to ask: what was your house at Hogwarts?"

"What? You don't know what it is? Did you even read the books?"

"Of course I did sir! Who hasn't?"

"A few choice people. Put Slytherin!"

"Alright... Now, where you alighted to the side of the light or dark?"

"You know, I really don't know what to answer for that. It was a mistake in my youth but I eventually joined the light."

"So, which one would you like me to put?"

"This survey must be stupid! It doesn't even have a grey option. Put light!"

"Alright... Now, could you explain to me your opinion on the dark lord?"

"Is this a trick question? What did you say your name was?"

"My name is Maximilian Broomhead and we just want to know your opinion."

"If you haven't realized by now let me tell you: an opinion is a dangerous thing... You don't sound like a death eater."

"I wasn't even born in that time sir."

"Watch that cheek of yours kid. Do you still want my opinion or can I hang up now?"

"I would still like that opinion but please keep in mind that I am typing your answers."

"What does that mean? Never mind I don't want to know! The dak lord used to have good ideas for the wizard population but he got caught up in that blood purity shit! So, other than that, he was pretty good guy."

"Ok... Now please explain to me your opinion on Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

"What can I say other than he's a wise man who sometimes acts childish."

"Alright, for the next few questions I'll say two names and I would like for you to tell me which person you would rather be on an island with."

"This is the stupidest survey ever written! I'm not answering!"

"Please sir, your opinions are important to us. We're just looking for your opinion on certain topics. So, the first two names are: Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger."

"You have got to be kidding me! Ugh... Hermione Granger, at least I'll get a decent conversation!"

"Albus Dumbledore or Minerva McGonagall?"

"You know what?"

"What is it sir?"

"You woke me up. Did you know that?"

"Ummm... I'm very sorry for waking you up sir. Would you like to continue with the survey?"

*click*

"Sir?"


	2. Chapter 2

Dragon MoonX suggested that I do another chapter and now I can't stop with Severus and the Call Centre. So now I'm switching it from "Complete" to "In-Progress".

If you guys have any calls that you would like little Severus to do just tell me in a review and I'll see what I can do.

Don't forget to Read and Review, please and thank you!

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><p>"What do you want?"<p>

"Hello sir, my name is Oliver Townend and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction to do a survey on the ending of the Harry Potter books. Are you 18 years of age or older?"

"Let me guess, my phone number was randomly generated by your computer and you have no idea who your talking to?"

"That's... Right sir... Did we call you already for this survey?"

"No, it was another kind of survey... *whispered* this is going to be fun."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Yes, I am older than 18."

"Ok... The first question is: did you cry at the end of book six?"

"No, I never cry."

"Alright... Now, moving on to the seventh book. Do you think that the pairings complement each other?"

"No."

"Which pairing do you think shouldn't have been together?"

"Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley."

"And can you explain why you believe they shouldn't be together?"

"Because Ronald Weasley is too much of an idiot and Hermione Granger can do so much better than settling for an idiot."

"Ok... Now, which pairing would you have liked to see?"

"You know, I've never really thought of that."

"Well, now that you are thinking about it what would you have liked to see?"

"Femslash."

"I... I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly."

"Oh, you did but just to calm your little heart I'll say it again: femslash."

"A... Alright... And which pairing would you have liked to see?"

"I would have loved to see a hot threesome between Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood and Pansy Parkinson. Maybe add Moaning Myrtle in there for effect."

"I..."

"With they're hot, sweaty bodies tangling together. Oh..."

"... ... Thank you very much for answering my questions and for being patient with me."

"Sure. Whatever."

*click*

"That should show them not to call again!"


	3. Chapter 3

And here's the third one! And then I'm starting on the ideas that you guys give me! Hurray! So make sure to tell me what kind of call you want little Severus to do.

Don't forget: Read and Review!

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><p>"What do you want?"<p>

"I'm sorry for disturbing you sir but I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction to do a survey on what you think about the Golden Trio."

"Who, in the name of Merlin, is the Golden Trio?"

"I'm sorry sir but we're not given that information for fear of biasing the survey. Now, what do you think of when I say the word "lightning"?"

"Wet and dark."

"And when I say the word "books"?"

"Knowledge and growth."

"When I say the word "Quidditch"?"

"A waste of time and Idiotic. Can I hang up now?"

"There are only a few more questions sir and I'll go as fast as I can. Now, what did you think of the Harry Potter books?"

"They were very insightful."

"What did you think of Harry Potter?"

"He was an annoying brat that couldn't even brew an acceptable potion. But somehow, I don't know how, he became a young man who did the right things."

"Alright... And what about Hermione Granger?"

"She can't stop learning."

"Is... Is that all?"

"That's all you're getting from me for that question. Now hurry up I want to eat."

"I'm sorry for-"

"Just ask the question."

"What do you think of Ronald Weasley?"

"The same for that Quidditch question... I want to eat so I'm hanging up."

"Sir, there are only-"

"Goodbye." *click*


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to Dragon MoonX who gave me great ideas! So, I hope you like this one!

And don't forget: Read and Review! And I need ideas for any call that you want little Severus to do. Have fun!

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><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Good morning sir, my name is Frank Sinister and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. We're just conducting a short survey on what you think of Lily Evans and James Potter from the books of Harry Potter. Are you 18 years of age or older?"

"You do realize that you woke me up right?"

"I'm very sorry sir. Are you 18 or over?"

"Ugh... Yes, I am."

"Alright... Have you read all seven books?"

"Of course I did. I didn't start the series for nothing."

"Of course sir."

"Are you moking me boy?"

"No sir! Now... This call may be monitored or audio taped for quality control and evaluation purposes. So -"

"Wait a minute. Why didn't the other people who called tell me this?"

"They probably skipped the statement. Now... What do you think Lily Evans was like?"

"She was an amazing woman who had an amazing personality and I would have loved to marry her if it hadn't been for that stupid mistake."

"Umm... And what do you think James Potter wa like?"

"He was a bully and a child that wouldn't grow up! Even in adulthood he acted like a child... I have no idea how he won Lily's heart."

"Okay... And what do you think that their wedding would have been like?"

"Here's what it looked like: It was grand, magnificent and everything that Lily hated! I know for a fact that she wanted a small, quiet wedding by the side of a lake. Now... I'm getting worked up and I have no more time to give you because I have to go teach some brats. So, I'm hanging up."

"Sir, there are only -"

"Goodbye." *click*


	5. Chapter 5

This is the second idea from Dragon MoonX! Sorry it took so long. Hope you guys like it!

Don't forget: Read and Review Please!

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><p>"What is it?"<p>

"Hello sir, my name is Collin SkinHead and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. We're just doing a short survey on one of the Harry Potter characters. Have you read the books?"

"Of course, but which character are you doing it on?"

"I'm sorry sir, but we're not given that information for fear of-"

"Biasing the survey. I know, ask the questions!"

"Ok... What is your opinion on potions?"

*Whispered* "This is going to be fun."

"I'm sorry sir but I didn't catch that."

"I think that potions suck!"

"Ok... And what do you think of the character in Harry Potter named Severus Snape?"

"He is what everyone calls him: the bat of the dungeons. Especially with those billowing robes. Though they are cool!"

"Alright... And if Severus Snape had survived the last book what do you think he would be doing?"

"Well... He clearly wouldn't be talking to you!" *click*

"Sir?... Are you still there?"


	6. Sybill

Another idea from Dragon MoonX! Hope you guys like it! ... I kind of feel bad for Trelwney though...

Anyway! Read and Review Please!

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><p>"Yeah, what is it?"<p>

"Hi Charlie! It's *hick* me, Sybill!"

"Oh Merlin! What do you want Sybill? *whispered* It's one in the morning, what does she want."

"Yay! You *hick* do remember me! *big intake of breath* Why did you break up with me? You said we *hick* were perfect for each other."

"Great. Sybill, you're talking to Severus Snape not... Charlie."

"Oh Charlie! *hick* You were always such a kidder! Listen *hick* why don't you meet me by the *hick* lake and we can -"

"Sybill! If you finish that sentence... Now listen, you're drunk. Why don't you just hang up and go to bed."

"Charlie! That is *hick* highly inappropriate!"

"Alright! Fine! It's Charlie!"

"Wait... Who's Charlie? I don't *hick* know you." *click*

"Ugh... Seriously?" *click*


	7. Chapter 7

An idea from one of my friends that I switched up a bit! Hope you like it!

Don't forget: Read and Review!

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><p>"What. Do. You. Want."<p>

"Good evening sir, my name is Danika Trewel and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. We're doing a survey on what people think of Hermione Granger if she had been paired up with a woman instead of Ronald Weasley. Are you 18 or older?"

"I'm older but -"

"What are your thoughts on the pairing of Bellatrix Lestrange and Hermione Granger?"

"Well... If you like the bonding type of relationships then it wouldn't be that bad. I remember one day when Bellatrix needed my help to tie up one of the men for her. It was quite disturbing."

"And... What about Cho Chang and Hermione?"

"That would be more like the passionate type of relationship."

"And... Ginevra Weasley and Hermione?"

"Now that would be interesting. From what I know Miss Weasley is a very passionate woman who never backs down and Miss Granger would probably be the pillar of the relationship. Not to mention that they're friends right now, so... It would probably work."

"Ok... What about Luna Lovegood and Hermione?"

"Even if Luna is a little batty she is quite bright. I've never gotten an essay from her that didn't deserve an E. I think that they would complement each other very well."

"And what about Minerva McGonagall with Hermione?"

"Give me a minute... *Snape yelling in the background* Hey Minerva! If you and Hermione Granger were in a relationship, what kind of relationship would it be? *speaking in the receiver* I'm sorry but I have to hang up before she kills me."

"Sir?"

*click*


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to Silver Star for the idea! Hope you guys like it!

Don't forget to Read and Review! Please!

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><p>"I'm not in a good mood so this better be good."<p>

"Hello, my name is Alice Burnsten and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. We're just conducting a survey on what people think of the actor Alan Rickman who plays Severus Snape in the movies of Harry Potter. So... Have you seen the movies?"

"Yes. And I can honestly say that I'm happy I burned them."

"Ok... And between a 1 and a 10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest, what would you rate the actor of Severus Snape?"

"Zero."

"I'm sorry sir but it's between 1 and 10."

"I don't care. I give him a zero."

"I'll just put in 1 for you sir."

"Do what ever you want. I'll still not care."

"So... Why did you give him a low mark?"

"I didn't give him any mark but if you must know. He didn't look like Severus Snape, his posture was all wrong and he didn't have enough confidence."

"Um...-"

"And to be completely honest, what kind of a name is Alan Rickman? It sounds like someone who should be in advertising!"

"Sir? -"

"And another thing! Why, in Merlin's name, is he acting like such a git? Sure, I'll agree that the character's nickname is the 'Greasy Git of the Dungeons' but seriously! I was so much nicer than he was in real life! Now I'm hanging up!" *click*

"What?... Why?..."


	9. Chapter 9

A little information: The questions that the interviewer asks ARE real questions for a REAL survey. Just thought you guys would like to know that at least part of this one is not made up… On to the entertainment!

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><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Hello sir, my name is Alexis Bourke and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. Today we're conducting a short survey on your satisfaction on the bank of Gringotts. It will only take about 5 minutes. So, are you 18 or older?"

"Yes, I am. Next question."

"Alright… How satisfied are you with the bank of Gringotts. Are you very satisfied, somewhat satisfied, somewhat dissatisfied, or very dissatisfied?"

"Very satisfied. If I said anything else the Goblins would kill me right now."

"Alright… And if you were asked by a friend or relative to recommend a bank, how likely would you recommend the bank of Gringotts? Would you definitely recommend, probably, might or might not, probably not, or definitely not recommend."

"Let me give you a tip. Don't call me for this survey when I am in that specific bank. Now, because of that reason, I have no choice but to say that I definitely would recommend them."

"Ok… And based on your overall opinion on the bank of Gringotts, how likely are you to continue using this bank. Would you say that you definitely would continue, you probably would –"

"I definitely would. Can you give me a minute, I just arrived at the carts."

"Of course, sir."

*Sounds of cart speeding on track and wind rushing by* *Imagine a roller coaster*

"Alright… Next question."

"Ok… Please think about all of your recent experiences about the bank of Gringotts and all of you interactions with the bank. So… I'll be reading several –"

"Just get to the point!"

"Umm… We'll use a scale from 1 to 9 were 1 means you do not agree at all with the statement and 9 means –"

"Just get with it!"

"Ok, ok! How often do you agree that the bank of Gringotts… Helps you feel confident in the decisions you make with your money?"

"Seeing as I'm inside the bank you're talking about and there's a Goblin right next to me, I'll answer with a 9."

"Alright… and is flexible in meeting your changing financial needs?"

"Give me another minute. We're going back in the cart."

*More sounds of a cart speeding on the track and wind rushing by* *Again, think roller coaster*

"Alright… So the answer is 9."

"Ok… And… staff demonstrates genuine interest in understanding your needs."

"Good, I'm out of the bank. Now listen up. Your first question for EVERY survey should be: Do you have the time. GOOD BYE!"

*Click*


	10. Chapter 10

"Yes?"

"Hello sir, my name is Reginald Horseshoes and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. We're just conducting a little survey on what you think of the Weasley twins in Harry Potter."

"… Is this a prank call?"

"W-What? Of course not sir. I have a phone number here if you would like to call the company who hired us in case you want to know the validity of the survey or… would you like to talk with my supervisor?"

"Never mind. What do you want to know about them?"

"Well, as you may know, there are rumors circling around the Weasley twins and we're trying to clear some things up. So, do you believe that they killed Professor Binns?"

"No."

"Would you like to explain why you believe that?"

"Because it was well before their time. You can actually blame Minerva McGonagall for that one."

"Um… *Whispered* Do I want to know what happened?"

"It was during one of the staff parties that Albus loves to throw. Anyway, it totally got out of hand and they all decided to play 'Truth or Dare', dragging me into it also. One of the dares that Minerva got was to give Binns a lap dance. We didn't know that he died of a heart attack, that came the day after. Our best guess was that he got too… excited and his heart couldn't handle it."

"Wow…"

"Yeah… Ok, next question or rumor."

"Ok… Some people have theories of why the Weasley twins go into the forbidden forest because we were never told why. So, do you have any theories?"

"I don't just have theories, I know why they went in."

"Could you tell me why?"

"Why I know or why they went in the forest?"

"Why they went in the forest."

"First year, the excuse was 'I wanted to meet the Centaurs, they sound cool!' You can imagine their joy when, instead of bringing them to a teacher, Hagrid decided to bring them to the Centaurs! At least I got the joy of deciding what the detention would be! … When they came back to the castle."

"And the second year?"

"Their second year was a little far fetched. But I was happy to catch them before they entered the forest and give them detention."

"So… What was they're excuse?"

"That they were searching for pixies and they're pixie dust."

"Ok… And please keep in mind sir that this is all hypothetical. So… Another rumor around the Weasley twins is that they have never blown up a cauldron without a good reason. What do you believe?"

"I believe that that's a load of crap! In their first year they blew up their cauldron, at the same time, just to see what would happen! The whole class had to go to the Hospital Wing! How they all grew wings and a duck beak, I have no idea… It was supposed to be an easy potion! I still have no idea what they did to make it do that."

"Alright.. And the before last question that I have for you is –"

"I'm hanging up."

"W-What? Why!"

"Because you took all the time that I had for my unch and now I have to go and teach. On an empty stomac too!"

"Sir, we're almost done! Could you just spare a few –"

*Click*


	11. Chapter 11

A litte harsh at some places but I thought it fit. You can blame Silver Star for this one!

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><p>"What is it?"<p>

"Good morning sir, my name is Tasha Goodwill –"

"You woke me up."

"- and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. We're just doing a short survey on the possibility of there being a father/son relationship between two people who hate each other in the fandom of Harry Potter."

"Oh really. And who are these two people?"

"I'm sorry sir, but we're not –"

"Yes, yes, I know! Start with the questions."

"If Harry Potter suddenly appeared at Mister Severus Snape's home, beaten and bloodied, what do you think the professor would do?"

"*Whispered* How, in the name of Merlin, would he have found me?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I didn't catch that."

"I said he'd laugh his head off and send him back to his aunt and uncle."

"… Are… you serious?"

"Very. Next question."

"Umm… If it was proven that Harry's uncle and aunt were abusing him, who would be the best to take care of him?"

"I don't know anyone who would be able to take care of him… You do realise that these are very serious accusations, right?"

"W-What? Sir, this is all hypothetical."

"Good. Next question."

"Ok… Again sir, completely hypothetical… If it was discovered that Harry Potter was really Severus Snape's son and it was proven, what do you believe that Mister Snape would do?"

"He'd cry."

"Is… Is there anything else?"

"Unfortunately. I'd have to take him in. I'm shuddering just thinking about it."

"Alright… Do you believe that Mister Snape would use corporal punishment?"

"How else would you teach a child what is wrong and what isn't? I am of the opinion that you need a firm hand in teaching a child… Now. I'm hanging up because I just woke up and I can tell that today is going to be a bad day,"

"Sir there are only a few more –"

"You're making me sick with these questions. BYE!"

*Click*


	12. Chapter 12

I just had too!

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><p>"This had better be good."<p>

"Hello sir, my name is Richard Broomhead and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. Today we are conducting a short survey on the types of fanfiction in the Potter Universe. Are you 18 years of age or older?"

"Yes, I'm older but do I have to do this?"

"No sir, this survey is completely optional but we would really appreciate having your opinions."

"How long will this take?"

"About 5 to 7 minutes. It all depends on your answers."

*Awkward silence*

"Sir? Are you still there?"

"Yes… *big intake of air* Go ahead and ask your questions…"

"Alright… So, this call will be monitored or audio taped for quality control and evaluation purposes, just so you know."

"Naturally."

"So, knowing that the word 'slash' in Fanfiction means that it is a fanfiction that depicts a romantic or sexual relationship between fictional characters of the same sex. So… Knowing this, have you ever read a slash fanfic including: Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore and Severus Snape?"

"…" *Click*

"Sir?"


	13. Chapter 13

Someone gave me the idea... I think it was: LM Ryder, I believe.

Anyway... Can you believe that I was actually able to employ some people from a Shakespeare act! Of course their identities are confidential, so you'll never know...

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><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Hello sir! My name is Romeo Poisoned and I'm calling on –"

"Behalf of Fanfiction. What's the survey on?"

"We just want to know your thoughts on a hypothetical relationship between two heads of houses of Hogwarts. Would you like to answer a few questions?"

"You're lucky that I'm on my break. Let's see what this is about and before you ask, I'm older than 18."

"Alright… What are your thoughts on Minerva McGonagall?"

"She looks nothing like the woman on the movie, that's for sure! Take about 40 years off the woman, add a few more curves and black hair. Now all you're missing is the temper."

"Uhuh… And your thoughts on Severus Snape?"

"I think everyone knows about Severus Snape but seeing as you've been living under a rock, I'll tell you in three words: He's a loner."

"Are… Are you sure?"

"Yes. And I can tell you that even he knows that it's true."

"Umm… Sir? Please keep in mind that this is all hypothetical."

"There is no such thing."

"Ok… So, what do you think a romantical relationship between Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape would be like?"

"Kinky. I'm thinking lots of straps and a whip."

"Are you… joking?"

"Not at all. From what I understood from reading the books, Snape is a cold hearted person. Someone like that is definitely into bonding. And as for McGonagall, all I can really say is that that woman has a lot of secrets… Did you know that she used to be a dominatrix?"

*There is a kind of choking sound on the other end of the phone*

"Are you alright?"

"Hello?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry about that sir. My name is Juliet Stabself. It would seem that my co-worker suddenly… caught something. Umm… Would it be alright if I continued the survey with you? You're about 80% done."

"I'm sorry but my break is done. I have to go and teach the little snots again."

"Alright, and again sir, I'm sorry about my co-worker. Have a good day!"

*Click*


	14. Need questions!

Hello fellow Fanfictionners! (I don't know if that's what I should call you guys, but we'll go with it.)

I need your help and **ONLY** your help!

The problem is that I have 2 ideas for 2 chapters in "Severus Snape Vs the Call Center" but I need questions for them!

For one of the chapters I will be naming the user name of the person who asks the question (example: This is a question from _ who asks…). **If you don't have a user name I'll either make up a name or just use the one that you give. It is a choice that I reserve for myself. **So if you've ever had a question about Severus or a question that only he can answer, this is the place! So, either PM me or drop a review with the question.

The other chapter, I would just like some random questions for Severus to answer. Something like: "What is your favorite type of tree?" or "Do you shower during the day or the evening?" Again, either PM me or drop a review.

So that I don't get confused, please tell me if the question is for chapter 1 or chapter 2.

It will take some time to gather all the questions and to actually force Severus to answer them so it will take some time until the next chapter is up… If you guys are lucky and someone gives me an idea for another chapter you might get an extra one… Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge.

Anyway, Thank you in advance,

Hazel-jade!


	15. Chapter 15

Guess what I found! This chapter was supposed to go up a long time ago but I lost it. So here you go! Have fun!

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><p>"What is it this time? I'm trying to take a shower!"<p>

"Hello, my name is Christine Recall and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. Today we're just conducting a short survey to find out who should be the real hero in the Harry Potter Universe. –"

"I'm getting the floor wet."

"We could always try to call back if you'd like sir."

"No, that's alright. Who will we be discussing about?"

"We're not given that information for –"

"Fear of biasing the survey. Now make it quick!"

"Are you 18 years of –"

"Yes, I'm older."

"Alright… What is your personal opinion on the House of Slytherin?"

"I believe that the House of Slytherin honours the sly and cunning of it's student's. It is an honourable house with a bad reputation."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Ok… So, while reading the books, what was your personal opinion of the slytherin student called Draco Malfoy?"

"Would you rather have my opinion of him as his Godfather?"

"Umm… Ok…"

"He was a spoiled brat in his youth! Thank Merlin he got over it."

"Ok… And what is your personal opinion of Severus Snape?"

"I think he should have a prize for being the only potions professor in the history of Hogwarts to not having any fatalities!"

"Is there anything else?"

*Sigh* "He is a god!" *click*


	16. Answers! part 1

And here are the answers to your questions!

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><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Hello sir, may I please speak with a Mister Snape?"

"This is Snape, what could you possibly want now?"

"Well I'm calling from Fanfiction and today we were wondering if you could answer a few questions from your fans."

"I have fans?"

"Quite a lot actually. So… would you be willing to answer a few questions?"

"Why not, I have a few minutes."

"Alright! So just to confirm you are 18 or older, right?"

"Of course I am. Why are you asking for me if you have to confirm that I'm older than 18 anyway?"

"I don't know sir, I don't write these surveys. So… The first question is from Silver Star. Do you think that Bellatrix Lestrange is in love with Voldemort?"

"That – That… I think she's more infatuated by him than anything else. You know her. She craves power and all that… I've never really thought of that, with good reason. Now I can't get some images out of my head."

"Sorry about that sir. Anyway… HogwartsDreamer113 would like to know when you first began to love Lily Evans. Could you maybe –"

"The first day I saw her in the park. You know, I was the one to tell her that she was a witch… *clears throat* Anyway, that was a long time ago and I can't… Next question please."

"Of course sir. Umm… Nameless Secret Keeper would like to know what your favourite type of cheese is."

"I've never really liked cheese. *sigh* Just put marble as the answer."

"Ok. And the next few questions are from PotionsForSev. The first one is, what is your boggart?"

"It's – It's many people. It goes from my father taunting me, telling me that I'm worthless and all that, to Lily telling me that she's dead all because of me. Then it goes from face to face of all the people that I killed…"

"I'm sorry for bringing up some bad memories sir."

"Not your fault, next question."

"Do you cry when you watch Titanic?"

"I've never seen it. I don't really see the point of watching what people call a chitck-flip."

"Ok… Umm. The next question is… do you use shampoo and if yes, what brand?"

"Of course I use shampoo! The problem with my hair being so oily is because of the fumes of my potions. I use Karma from Lush… Why do they want to know that?"

"I honestly have no idea sir. So… The last question is from The Phoenix's Keeper… It's here somewhere… Here we are! What is your opinion on your fangirls?"

"… Excuse me? What is a fangirl?"

"I can't really explain the questions but I do know that a fangirl is a female fan who is obsessed with someone. They really are quite frightening."

"So the question alludes to me having fangirls… Why have I never met any?"

"I wouldn't know sir."

"Either way, I'm afraid I don't have any more time for this."

"B-But you didn't answer the question!"

*click*


	17. Chapter 17

Hey guys! Long time no update! Well, this is officially the last part of this fanfic. I don't think it's my best but it's the end. So, enjoy!

Please be warned that these questions were assembled by Random Inc.

* * *

><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Hello sir! My name is Mitchell Grand and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction. Today we are conducting a survey for the fans of the Harry Potter series. It's just a few random questions and we were just wondering if you would be willing to help us out."

"I have twenty minutes before an important meeting."

"Great! So, this call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes. And… Are you 18 or older?"

"Yes."

"So, what do you think about when you look at the clouds in the sky?"

"Rain and my bed."

"And… How many pairs of shoes do you own?"

"Do I sound like a girl?

"Umm… No."

"Good, I have only three pairs. Next question."

"Do you like scary movies?"

"What is a movie? One of those moving pictures on a screen?"

"Yes sir. That's the general explanation of a movie."

"Never seen any."

"Ok… Then… on to the next question. Whats your favorite Milkshake flavor?"

"I don't have any favorites of… Milkshakes."

"Ok… Have you ever been in a newspaper?"

"Yes I have. It wasn't the best time to actually be in the news. It was during the time where if you where in the paper it was either because you were dead or a terrorist."

"Ok… Anything else you'd like to add?

"No, let's move on."

"Ok… The next question is… Do you hold grudges?"

*Laughing at the other end of the receiver* "You're really asking me that question!"

"Umm… Yes?"

"Believe me when I say that I hold grudges for a very long time."

Ok… And the last question would be… Do you think Severus Snape, from the Harry Potter series, is a bonehead?"

"Was this survey made by a child?"

"I honestly don't know sir…"

"Well, I don't have any more time and that question is just absolutely moronic."

"I honestly understand sir. And thank you for at least taking the time to try to finish the survey. Have a good day!"

*click*


End file.
